I have a friend. . . what? Oh, okay, a former colleague with whom I maintain a fairly frequent and friendly email relationship. This, because we no longer work together and now live 500 miles apart. The content of the emails runs the gamut, not the gauntlet as one dumbass jock talk host malaprops, from spiritual matters (hey! don’t be so cynical) to women in media we find attractive. Regarding the latter, if you knew this guy, that’s the correct characterization. Homey don’t play no Milf talk. I do, btw. More than talk. Well, I used to, damnit.
My topic here is a criticism he made about me. Some background is necessary. I get an email from him with an MP3 of a song attached. The story is, he* decided to watch a program featuring a young male recording act because he knew the singer’s father. They share a religious affiliation (which I choose not to name – to eliminate any bias) and though I wasn’t too clear on whether or not the singer’s songs are in a genre which also reflect this religion, that aspect is not critical to my point.
In my colleague’s opinion, the kid was decent but pretty much standard fare. However during the show, the young man generously thanked his back up vocalists, two women who had their own career and CD. This prompts my pal to Google them and he finds one of their original songs. Proceeds to describe their song in great detail, informing me how he could make it a better song, the potential he feels they have musically. If only, he says, he was still in the business; he’d like to produce them. He attached the song (the aforementioned MP3), which he edited into a version, he thought removed the excessive strumming & sameness of sound, we both have agreed many times, is found too often in “folkie” songs.
I listened. I thought it sounded like almost every sweet, sensitive female duo I’d ever heard since 1970. The song’s Chorus started with a good lyric/melodic hook using a “horses” metaphor, that drifted into meh. Verses I felt were thin melodically, lyrics a little too 20something for my taste, but well written if not exciting. I report all this to him in my reply. Adding that I had, within recent memory, written two songs myself employing horse imagery, and frankly, mine were mucho better. Meaning, I couldn’t necessarily get that enthused about a lesser attempt.
That’s where the contention arose. He says- “This isn’t about you.” Apparently I wasn’t allowed to inject myself into my critique. Hmmm OK. Did I miss something? or am I wrong in the view, his initial email, included his very own, self? I think I’m willing to be helped here in my understanding. Maybe. Depends.
When some individual applies a bumper sticker phrase to something I do or say, I admit I rankle. A lot. “This isn’t all about you.” What does that mean? When a person gives an opinion or expresses a concern, what is the origin source? God? Rush (Limbaugh or the rock band)? When I speak, it is generated from my intellect and life experience. Am I supposed to give someone else’s opinion? or agree, just to get along? Hardly anybody ever does that when I make the initial point. In fact, I’ve sent songs to that same guy. He never even acknowledges I sent them, much less gives me feedback. Or offers a wish he could produce. Sob. . ..**
Now that last thing. Maybe he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. That’s not his life long m.o. But sure, that’s a possibility. Could I have missed the email in which he said- “ don’t send anymore of your lame songs?” I don’t think so. Again, maybe. You never know. If I’m being direct here – I think most other humans don’t really listen or pay attention. They don’t want the burden of real thought when it comes to friends. They save it for family and work. Friends are supposed to be yes-ers. I’m guilty of it occasionally. But typically I adopt this as a defense, after years of taking crap from somebody. For sure, everyone from family and friends to strangers, even those unsolicited non-music business individuals, have felt free to critique, if not outright attack my work. I guess I should be happy, that is all about me. They are completely unattached and unbiased on those occasions. If they liked the song, used it and it made money, they’d give it all to Haiti. Not even take a producer credit. Or demand their name is added as a co-writer “ …how it’s done buddy – take it or leave it.” Yeah, right. Not really.
Maybe when they tell me my song(s) are derivative or weak. Or suck. They are actually saying “This is not my opinion. This is what everyone who might ever hear this will think” or “If John Lennon were still alive and heard your song, this would likely kill him ” and “ My dad hasn’t heard this, but if he did, he’d say ‘…hope this guy doesn’t quit his day job.’ ”
Fortunately, I don’t have the budget to add the WordPress widget allowing me to include audio files on this blog. I’m probably arrogant/confident/stupid enough to let you have a listen. You’d be permitted to consult Simon Cowell, get his jaded POV. Of course we both know why I don’t have the discretionary income for it. My songs suck. If only I knew somebody who would produce them for me. WOW! maybe it is running a gauntlet!
I guess that was all about me. Oh look, an email with an MP3. . ..
* he he he which oddly rhymes with me me me – it’s onomatopeic, musical & ironic
** NOTE: that is the word “sob” – not a heavy handed/ veiled S.O.B. I’d never call him that – I loved his mom
